Are you in a tough season where it feels like life is throwing everything at you, leaving you spinning and struggling to catch your breath? I know I’ve felt the pain of a never-ending to-do list and the frustration of feeling constantly behind; ignoring your laundry piling up, your marriage, and self-care because you simply can’t take on one more thing today.
Several years ago, I was raising two kids under 3, one with special needs, trying to run a retail brick-and-mortar store during the pandemic, all while struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety. Managing the everyday demands of my family and business exhausted my emotional energy, leaving little time to truly connect with myself, my goals, my dreams, and my desires.
Knowing that I couldn’t change the external circumstances, I set out to change my internal landscape and create a safe environment for myself and my children to decompress.
Try out the following tips and strategies to fill up your cup and create a nurturing environment for yourself and your family.
Remember Who You Are
Before you were a parent– Who were you? The key is to remember who you are outside of your role as a parent. To show up as the parent you want to be, you first need to be the version of YOU that you want to be. Set aside time and space to be able to reconnect with yourself, see what energizes and ignites you, and understand what triggers and drains you.
In the digital age, we tend to pick up our phones to scroll or zone out in front of the TV when we have some time to ourselves. We call that “self-care” but what we need to do is take an honest look and ask ourselves if that truly is adding value, energy, or passion to our lives, or are we numbing? Is it an intentional time to decompress, or is it simply a habit we have fallen into?
I recommend that my clients make a list of things that “fill their cup” and keep it handy so that when they do find themselves with an hour at the end of the night, they have some options to choose from. Maybe it truly is watching another rerun of Friends that lights them up.
But perhaps they will instead get inspired to call a friend, read a book, have a bath, or reconnect with their spouse. When we give ourselves options, we can be intentional about our choices, and therefore create the life we want.
Welcoming Big Emotions
Our children are our mirrors. What they see, they will model. Opening the lines of communication wide is important– not only for your children but for yourself as well. Make time to have open and deep conversations with yourself. Don’t repress your emotions– be open to fully expressing them and moving through them, creating a powerful example for your children to follow.
Navigating life with business, family, motherhood, and well, personhood is an intense rush of emotion. There will be highs and lows. By embracing and acknowledging your own emotions, you show your children that it’s okay to feel all the feels—and that Mommy’s here to hold space for them, no matter what.
Setting Boundaries with Love
Boundaries have gotten a bad reputation, but they are not about building walls; they’re about creating safe spaces where everyone can thrive and grow. As a mama, it’s okay to say no and set boundaries that honor your needs and values. By modeling healthy boundaries, you teach your children the importance of self-respect and self-care.
Worried you’ll meet resistance if you set a boundary? Try stating what you need instead of making a rule for someone else to follow. Invite your loved one to be a part of the new expectation, explain why it is important to you, and give them a job to do that supports your boundary to help them feel included and receptive to the change. Remember, boundary setting (and keeping!) takes practice!
Seek Support
Asking for help is the single best thing we can do as parents and women. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I think it also takes a village to raise a mother. Our lives are full of stress and obstacles, not only in our parenting journey but in all facets of our lives, careers, and relationships.
Lean into your community, ask for and accept help from those who love you, and remember – they are getting value from the exchange! Grandparents, friends, and neighbors who offer help genuinely want to be of assistance, so take them up on it and ditch the previously associated guilt that came from asking and accepting help.
It’s unrealistic, and unhealthy, to expect yourself to be able to “do it all”. Lean into the support of others and if you need to, let a few things go. Let yourself off the hook – no one is doing it all, despite what your social media feed is telling you.
Being a parent can be chaotic, exhausting, and take everything you’ve got to give. It can also be rewarding, uplifting, and fill your heart with so much joy you think it might burst. Find the balance by giving yourself some grace and weaving in a few of the above strategies I’ve offered.
Connect with Jill
jillwright.ca
instagram.com/growlikeamother
facebook.com/growlikeamother
