If you were given the chance to go back in time (even if you just started your business) and give yourself some advice? What would you tell yourself? What would you do differently?
My answer – I would teach myself the power of “No…BUT”.
Now to be fully transparent, I NEVER knew “the power of no” was actually a concept (or even a book) until someone pointed it out. It is just my honest response from my own experience – upgraded with the “but” – i.e. the resolution to the rejection.
With over 15 years under my belt as an entrepreneur compared to what felt like a lifetime in corporate America, I have learned the freeing power of the word “No…but” and you will too.
For those who may not have had the pleasure, “No” is taboo in the corporate world. You just agreed and figured it out as you went. Saying “no” meant being passed over for promotions, excluded on projects, or being branded as difficult or not being a “team player”.
So no matter what, for the sake of your career, every urge to say no came out as “Yes”, “Sure” or the popular “Not a problem”.
Those days are over. You left your 9 to 5 because you wanted to free yourself from the constraints of management. You wanted to have the power to make your ideas, money, and time work for you.
You wanted it all but along with that new found freedom came the crippling fear of failure. The reality of what happens if you push back or (gasp) say “No” to a potential or current client. For many, they find out the hard way that boundaries are easily pushed aside when the fear of loss is evident. Suddenly, you find yourself answering emails, text messages, and/or phone calls outside of business hours. Projects well outside of your scope suddenly start cluttering your inbox with impossible turnaround times. Slowly but surely you find yourself stretched thin, stressed out, and miserable – wondering why you left the corporate world in the first place.
It doesn’t have to be this way! I can say it, shout, write it in the sky – your business will not dissolve tomorrow if you set boundaries. It all starts with the phrase “No…but”. I don’t mean saying No for the sake of it and missing out on opportunities. I mean saying no when it goes against your “why” – your reason for doing what you do.
You decided to start out on your own for a reason. Maybe you did it for the flexibility for your family, for a cause close to your heart, or to meet a need missing within your niche. Whatever the reason, you were driven to do what you are doing. Don’t let someone kill that drive; protect your well-being, mental health, and overall joy by simply declining a request that goes against the line in the sand that you have drawn for your clients.
Have yet to consider boundaries? Well, there is no time like the present.
Take a moment, close your eyes (NOT YET – keep reading, then close your eyes at the end of the instructions), and picture your busiest work week. What do you love? What do you hate? What causes your blood pressure to rise? What client actions make you roll your eyes and question your life choices? It could be something as simple as trying to focus on a task and constantly having a client demand “five minutes of your time” to talk about something. It could be receiving a request at 7pm with a 9am deadline. Take a deep breath, let down your shield of “do what it takes to succeed” and really let in the impact of those you work with/for.
Now, take that and evoke the power of “No, but”.
If you don’t want to work nights and weekends or be available to your clients 24/7, say “No” BUT you are happy to provide your scheduling link and meet with them during business hours.
If you specialize in one field and a potential client insists you offer a service unfamiliar to you, simply say “No BUT I am happy to provide some referrals so you don’t have to start your search over.” (providing exceptional customer service and a positive experience, creating a potential referral for future business).
If a client sends twelve tasks with an unrealistic timeline, state that you are happy to help them; however, they need to prioritize the tasks and give you at least 48 hours to work on the item to ensure it is completed accordingly instead of rushed, risking issues and errors. Yes, this is not a literal “No, but”; however, it is an example of redirecting the request – passively declining what they are desiring but providing guidance on how it (and hopefully future requests if they catch on) can/will be handled.
Meeting with a potential client who has a list of demands before they even sign the contract OR instruct you on how you will work with them (they will be priority, their work will be completed by a certain time, your availability will be what they dictate)? Take it as a sign that they are not a fit for you. If you haven’t even started working together and you see red flags flying, walk away!
Don’t be afraid to say No and embrace the power of “No, but…”
Remember, not every client is a perfect fit and those who can’t take “No, but” for an answer may need that final “Thank you, next”. If you find yourself with a client who demands more than requests, ignores your resolutions, and gaslights you into being what they need – run…do not walk – to the nearest exit! That person is holding a match to your mental wellbeing and they are ready to burn it to the ground.
Your business is just that – “yours”; don’t let the fear dictate your dream. Embody the power of “No, but”, your business and mental health will thank you.
